Make the best out of every situation.
(Excerpted from the book “Cancer with Joy” with permission)
The basic premise behind “Cancer with Joy” is we realize no one is happy they have cancer, BUT you can have cancer and still be happy. WOW, what an insight! Hopefully you will agree and make the decision that even though you or someone you love has cancer, you can still be happy. You can choose to respond to it with joy! …
Handling the hair loss that comes with “Cancer with Joy.”
I am going to share several specific, funny, and real examples of how I handled my hair loss with joy and laughter. Remember there were definitely tears shed. There was certainly sadness. But I did not stay there! I moved from crying to laughing quickly.
To me, hair loss was the most emotionally painful moment. The most physically painful moment was definitely when my urologist removed the stent from my right kidney while I was awake and completely aware of what was going on. The doctor’s rationale was it would take me longer to come around from anesthesia than the procedure itself, so since it was so quick, why bother with the anesthesia? Well, I certainly wanted to bother with it, but my medical team did not see it that way.
Hair loss happened for me in stages. I had shoulder-length hair when I was diagnosed and at my first chemo treatment. About four weeks after diagnosis and just a week after my first chemo, we decided to have my hair cut very short. It was probably about as short as it had been in twenty years!
On CaringBridge April 23, 2010, I wrote
I was so pleasantly surprised at how much I like the new very short do! This morning I decided I can’t “like” it too much because to fall in love with this & then have it come out… agh! But while we see what the next couple weeks brings this hairstyle will definitely work. J My hair is playing the song, “Should I stay or should I go now?” Humor helps along this journey… J
I joked that my hair was trying to decide if it should stick around for the rest of the cancer experience or leave now and come back later!
Handling the hair loss shower with joy.
I took what I call a hair loss shower on May 4, 2010. When I spoke at the American Cancer Society Hope Gala in Lincoln, Nebraska, on March 19, 2011, as a Cancer Survivor Speaker, I had many women come up to me and say, “I too took that shower. I could totally relate to what you were saying.”
When I wet my hair in the shower that day, I heard a splat sound. I had a feeling I knew what it was, and when I looked, much of my hair was lying on the tub drain. It had come out when the stream of water from the shower hit my head. I had known this was probably coming because when I would run my fingers through my hair, it would just come out in my hands. It was also coming out on my pillow as I slept at night. I hit the point where I had to vacuum my pillowcase each morning and wash it more regularly because of all the hair on it.
Cancer with Joy
I put shampoo in my hand and went to suds my hair and it just came out in my hands. This is the moment I remember crying the hardest. It is one thing to know something is going to happen, but it is completely different when it actually happens. I have spoken to so many women’s cancer groups about this because they want a speaker who has had chemo-induced hair loss and has been through what they have or may go through.
Here is how I was able to laugh and find humor even at that most difficult of moments. As a country music songwriter, I listen to country radio most of the time. Here is what I wrote in my CaringBridge for May 6, 2010.
I was worried about putting my head back under the water & if the rest of my hair would just wash away when my head hit the water stream!! You may laugh, but that thought really enters your mind when all that hair is coming out in your hand. The funny thing is, as I was getting out of the shower with my country radio station on, a song was playing by Reba called “Consider Me Gone.” It felt like my hair telling me “Good-BYE!” I started laughing; you just can’t make that stuff up! J
I remember standing in the shower with shampoo in my hair agonizing about the moment I had to put my head back under the stream to rinse. Was the rest of my hair just going to fall out right then and there? Would I be completely bald by the end of this shower? I patted my head after I rinsed and still felt some hair. Not knowing how bad it would look when I looked in the mirror, I put a towel on my head and as I was heading to the mirror to look, I heard Reba singing, “If I’m not the one thing you can’t stand to lose… consider me gone!” My hair was the one thing I could not stand to lose; I really REALLY did not want my shoulder-length hair going away, but I knew that was a likely side effect from one of my chemo medicines. This had been covered with me in chemo education provided by my oncologist’s office.
The next of many ways I personally handled “Cancer with Joy” was when I completely lost my hair. I handled it with joy by making it fun (for me and others)!
After the hair loss shower in early May, I decided to shave my head so I would not have to take such an emotional shower again. I had visited the local American Cancer Society in April and they loaned me some wigs, hats, and scarves. I also discovered the fabulous “Tender Loving Care” catalogs and ordered some hats, halos, and wigs.
I have handled the complete loss of my hair with joy by having fun with the halos, hats, and wigs. A halo is a ring of hair that gives you the look of having hair with hair hanging down for bangs, on the side, and in the back, but in the heat (as I faced with the Nebraska summer), the coolness of the bulk of your head remaining bald. You cover the bald part with a fun hat! I even involved my friends by doing an online fashion show where I tried on many different looks (various colors, lengths, and styles), had my mom take pictures, and uploaded them to Facebook and my CaringBridge site. I let people “vote” by liking and commenting on their favorite looks to help me choose my best looks for the summer. This let my friends know I was coping with hair loss with joy, actually making it fun and helping them get involved, and having fun with what was happening during my cancer treatment.
About the Author: Joy Huber
Joy Huber
Joy Huber is a stage four young adult cancer survivor and the founder of “Cancer with Joy.” She is an award-winning international presenter, individual coach, and songwriter. Joy helps the newly diagnosed and those on their support team learn how to transform fear into happiness with resources, support, and en‘courage’ment. She wrote “Cancer with Joy” to be the essential resource for the newly diagnosed providing helpful and highly valuable information that saves precious time, energy, and money. Joy is an inspiration, and her humor and positive energy ignites others to transform their experience with cancer from negative to “Cancer with Joy.”
“Cancer with Joy” will be available in January 2012. Pre-order the book on Amazon and www.CancerwithJoy.com in September 2011.
